Have you ever tried to meditate? If yes, did you fall asleep and started snoring / burst out in tears or uncontrollable coughing fit?
They all happened to me in the past.
So obviously, I wasn't a big fan of meditation and I was certain, without any doubt, that meditation is not my cuppa.
For years I found every possible excuse to not try meditation - "I can't quiet my mind" / "I can't stop thinking" / "I definitely can't sit still for 30 minutes"...
Then in the London Buddhist Centre after a lunchtime yoga class I had a bit more time and I decided to stay and try lunchtime meditation. They separated the people who showed up to advanced monks and newbies (like I was) so they can learn the basics. It was Metta Bhavana, aka Loving Kindness meditation. First they showed us how to sit, where to put our hands, we had a chance to figure a posture "comfortable enough to stay there for long minutes, but not too comfortable to fall asleep". I had a crazy amount of cushions all around me, supporting my hips, my knees, my hands, everything possible. We started the meditation.... My nose became itchy in no time, but (as I was taught) I tried to ignore it and it was actually working, the feeling went away after a bit. And my lower back started to hurt quick enough, even with all the cushions around. After a few minutes I had to cough (it was early summer so my allergy was a bit unpredictable and I have a tendency to start to cough when I have to be super-quiet) which I tried to do as un-disturbing as possible. Then as the meditation progressed and we extended the love within us, I get emotional. Like big time. My tears were unstoppable, my nose started to run like h*** - I had no tissue, also didn't want to move (as I was taught) so I let my fluids flow. I felt embarrassing and once we could finally open our eyes, I cleaned my nose in a nano-second and tried to act like nothing happened.
As you can guess, I stopped trying to meditate after this one occasion, even though I kinda liked it.
Few months later I started the Yoga Teacher Training and I had the chance to try Yoga Nidra. I was quite excited and a bit scared at the same time.
During the first session... I fell asleep.
It was a heavenly sleep, though.
The second session was more successful; I stayed awake, enjoyed the heaviness of my body, the free association part, basically every minute of it. It was heavenly. After I tried at least a dozen of free online Nidras, sometimes falling asleep, sometimes being able to stay awake. But as life progressed, I lost my enthusiasm a bit and my Nidra "practice" slipped away.
Then first National Lockdown came. My ability to even relax disappeared in the first week, as everything became uncertain, there was a lot of thing to worry about (financial uncertainty, what was going to happen with teacher training, being locked in between the four walls etc) so I couldn't even stay still and enjoy Savasana, with my brain shouting all its sh** at me in any given quiet moment.
I figured we were going to have a full weekend of training dedicated to meditation. I freaked out. I was an absolute rookie, I didn't have any props, cushion, bolsters, I had no clue how I could make myself comfortable and uncomfortable enough without stuffs, and I did my Gemini thing and was overthinking everything.
That weekend proved to be game-changing at the end. It debunked a lot of myths I had it in my head, it wiped away half of my toxic expectations about meditation, and I finally started to understand how this whole thing "should" be.
If someone asks me now, a lot months later, "How to do meditation?", I would answer:
Simply sit or lie down, get comfy, close your eyes, and listen to your breath.
That's it.
Another priceless advice I heard and shared since I first tried meditating: Don't have great expectations! And don't expect any results.
Sometimes (lot of times) I can't empty my mind. I've got thoughts. I still can't sit for more than 2 minutes without support at my back as it starts to hurt after moments. Sometimes I do fall asleep, it's not a failure, I'm just probably tired then. There are weeks when I meditate every single day. There are weeks when I manage to do only one.
A big part of my meditation journey is to understand that whatever happens, it's fine.
I'm still just at the beginning of the journey to become more rooted in the present moment and accept of the things around and inside me. But I think the most important step is the very first one to start the journey at all.
I would love to hear your meditation journey, any funny/embarrassing story, or your personal struggles with meditation if you're happy to share with me! :)
Have a great life!
Gemini
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